Living with addiction: Anonymous

Checked and verified by a Surface Mind. Living with any addiction can be very hard for the user and also their loved ones. It can bring up feelings of shame and self-loathing. Also there is still huge stigma associated with addiction which can prevent people seeking help or even accepting that they have an addiction. Fortunately I was able to reach out to Surface Minds who were able to help me through my recovery journey and this was the best decision I have made in a long time. Here is my reductive story. I have been addicted to cannabis use for almost 10 years and struggled to quit, on and off for about 2 years before reaching out for support. I started smoking cannabis as a coping mechanism to deal with difficult challenging life circumstances I was experiencing at the time. There was no easy solution in sight to my troubles and pain so I accepted a joint from a friend. The high felt good and this was the first time in a long time I had been able to stop the worries and not feel the constant pain. Once I bought my first bag of cannabis, I began smoking more and more chasing that first high. This quickly became an addiction although I did not realise it at the time or perhaps I did not want to accept it. I still managed to achieve my career goals and get a well-paid job while still smoking; I guess I was a functioning addict. However, this smoking behaviour quickly became a habit, almost like a ritual. I avoided dealing with any stressful life events or challenges and smoking was an easy way out. It came a point where I did not even need any stressful situations to smoke. Fortunately, I was able to refrain from smoking while working. However, as soon as work finished my thoughts would suddenly turn to having a joint. Slowly I began to isolate myself as I did not want people to know this about me. I began procrastinating and I would put off doing anything if I had an option; this included avoiding or cancelling social invitations and before you know it, my social circle became smaller and smaller. My addiction affected my personal and family relationships. I believe it also stopped me from achieving my full potential. I avoided telling people that I smoked let alone my family. Mostly it was down to feeling shame but also down to a fear of being misunderstood or judged. I remember sitting at the dinner table with my family and having a conversation about homeless people which ended up being about addiction. I could feel my anxiety rising with a sense of anticipation. I so wanted to know their thoughts; could this be my opportunity to open up? I think it’s fair to say that the overall consensus was addiction was a choice. I left the family gathering thinking this would be my motivation to quit smoking but as soon as I got home the first thing I did was smoke a joint. Actually tell a lie, I would always have what we called a ‘better rolled’ for moments like this; if you have never smoked this is a joint pre-rolled so I would not have to wait until I get home. Yes you guessed it; I smoked that on my way to the train station.

There is something about cannabis that gives you that f*ck it sensation which allows you to escape any negative emotions or pain but I have come to realise that it comes at a cost. After all, if there is anything that Surface Minds has taught me, it’s that all emotions are there for reason; whether good or bad. A word from Surface Minds

If your friend or loved one is living with an addiction here is our top tips: 1. Educate yourself on addiction 2. Listen more than you talk 3. Set Boundaries 4. Believe Them 5. Don't Tell Them What to Do 6. Thoughtfully choose your words 7. Be kind 8. Remember not every addict is the same

Please look out for our next blog which will expand on these tips.